I have been in and out of therapy since the age of 16… I have spent half my life clinically depressed, on medication, and searching for the answers to my misery. I have spent half my life thinking I was broken, that I didn’t fit in anywhere, that I was dumb, that I had failed in life because I wasn't "doing" life in the right order by the right age; degree, career, man, house, kids.. I didn't even have a degree, career, man, house or kids! I was unhappy, depressed, suicidal, sullen, moody. I used to have a boss many years ago who used to say to me most days; Jane has her grumpy pants on today.. And I just couldn’t figure out why he would say that! I had no idea that how I felt about myself was affecting those around me and I certainly had no idea exactly what my issues were despite all the therapy. I was told all my life that I was too emotional, too sensitive and I over reacted to everything… so I buried the real Jane as clearly she wasn’t acceptable and she was the cause of all my unhappiness. I learned to behave in the way that others wanted; to keep the peace, to avoid criticism, for approval, to blend in.. I did this for so long I eventually lost all connection with who I am.
I realise now that I have always had an unhealthy obsession with my appearance. Being thin and attractive seemed to be the only thing about me that was acceptable and is how I identified myself. I can remember in my darkest hour people saying to me you are so pretty, you have everything going for you! Really? Being socially acceptable to look at is the ticket to success and happiness? So why wasn’t I happy? And why didn’t I have my dream life? So I put even more pressure on myself.. How I looked seemed so important so I clung to it for dear life. As a result I was terrified of growing older and did all I could within my financial means to fight the aging process. I also bordered on anorexic for many years; I taught myself to not be hungry. Skipping meals and hardly eating became easy for me. However, I still managed a binge of food and alcohol every weekend.... I believed I was healthy because I wasn’t fat but I was not only underweight but undernourished and had no awareness of how I was abusing my body. I aspired to be like the glamorous catwalk models on TV; doesn't every woman?
My dark side not only included depression but addiction to drugs, alcohol and partying. I have been hospitalised three times with two attempts on my life.. My adult life is littered with broken relationship; both romantic and otherwise. I have had my heart broken more times than I care to remember but I have also carelessly broken hearts too. I have seriously tried dozens of different kinds of therapists, healers, self-help books, pills, courses; I have moved homes, jobs, friends, relationships. Always searching, believing that the next chapter would lead to happiness.. Always changing external things; surely it wasn’t my fault that my life was miserable…? I blamed my childhood, my parents, their divorce, my step father, moving interstate as a teenager blah, blah, blah. Everyone has a sob story and I clung to mine not only the story through discussing it over and over in therapy but blaming others.
In amongst all of this I did have a reasonably successful corporate career that was far from fulfilling but I was good at and of course paid the bills. Joining the 9 to 5 rat race, hating Mondays and longing for Fridays is just life isn't it? Being tied to a corporate cubicle, once we get into debt, is a trap too many of us fall into and I was no different. Coupled with all my other issues it was yet another environment that ensured the real Jane was buried deep below societies, family and now works expectations of who I should be. To look at me you would never know the turmoil that was going on underneath. I became a master at hiding the real Jane, as too many of us women do, and functioning at a level that was socially acceptable. And as the years went by I lost more and more contact with who I was.
Enter bodybuilding… and yet another addiction and avenue to fuel my dependence on my exterior. And I get to show it off on stage and get all that attention?! Surely this is finally the answer to my misery..!! Achieving the perfect female form surely will bring me the happiness that had alluded me all my life. The ironic thing was that through this journey I had no choice but to look after my body like the temple that it actually it is. I had to eat premium food and regularly. I had to give up the drinking and partying, get plenty of sleep and drink lots of water. My body went into shock! But it also began firing on all cylinders for the first time in my life!
I also had to find the courage to get my broken, depressed ass on stage! I had hidden the real Jane for so long and here I was committing to getting up on stage? Was I crazy?! So I had to work on my mind to find that courage. All for the sake of vanity and to satisfy my ego I was driven toward stage and I ended up stumbling across the answers I had spent a life time searching for. I find is so ironic that in striving toward achieving the perfect exterior I wound up discovering the beautiful woman that was inside me. And I now realise she had been there all along! I wasn’t broken or a failure or dumb or all of the negative things I thought I was. I just got lost in all the pressures that as women we seem to fall prey to. I spent too much time trying to run away from myself believing that I would find happiness behind that allusive white picket fence. I placed too much importance on what others thought and said about me instead of listening to my own heart.
Meet the new Jane, the reborn Jane!
I am driven by passion. Passion for health, passion for happiness, passion for life! My eyes sparkle with that inner glow, my aura radiates positive energy and health is by far my highest value and priority. I freely admit I am totally obsessed with not only the health of my body but the health of my mind; some would say that I am too obsessed… (I prefer to call it passionate 😉 ) but my current lifestyle has seen me overcome life long, debilitating depression. So why wouldn’t I be obsessed??!!
I am on a mission. A mission to support, inspire and motivate as many women as possible to feel as freakin awesome as I do! I have a burning desire deep within me that seems to get stronger and stronger every time I come across a beautiful woman who is struggling with their health/weight/relationships/confidence/life! It shocks me how many women I do come across who suffer, too often in silence as I did, but also without awareness of what the issue is and without the knowledge to live life to its fullest potential. Why aren’t these invaluable life skills part of the school curriculum?
"Spread love wherever you go… let no one ever come to you without leaving happier." Mother Theresa
I have found my calling in life. I am a late bloomer, its taken me half a lifetime to work it out, but that only makes my new life even more rewarding and makes me even more determined to make the rest of my life the best of my life! And to live it with passion, purpose and that inner sparkle that has alluded me up until now!
I am motivated, self-disciplined, tenacious, passionate, authentic, energetic, vital, positive, empowered, strong, proud, happy, radiant and enthusiastic! Exclamation point! I am also shy and introverted believe it or not. I have trouble sitting still, I could make your head spin with how many things I get through in a day. I eat only whole, mainly organic, foods, I am supplement queen, I prepare and take with me every meal (5-7 meals a day), I train 6 days a week, I sleep 8+ hours every night. I walk the talk and take it a few strides further.. Most would see it as a lot of work but this lifestyle makes me incredibly happy!
That is a little about my character… I hope you could feel the energy jumping off the screen 🙂 My professional tag line is I am a fitness mindset & lifestyle coach, a fitness model, bodybuilder, author and blogger. I turned 50 years young in 2016 and chose to celebrate this milestone on stage! And a photo shoot afterwards that I will treasure in the old folks home; I seriously can’t believe this photo is me!
Another big and important discovery for me on my journey to stage, as my heart overflowed with gratitude to my coaches, mentors and trainers, that being a role model and inspiring others to feel good about themselves is the most rewarding career that anyone could wish for. I not only discovered myself and my passion in life, I also found my purpose and mission. Once I heard about the Institute of Integrative Nutrition® (IIN) I knew I had found my calling. Being a dietician or a nutritionist is all about food. I now know from my own personal journey of transformation it is so NOT just about food and IIN are revolutionary in the holistic coaching aspect.
There is a wellness revolution sweeping this planet and I am beyond excited to be a part of this new era! I truly believe that how we nourish and feed our bodies and mind is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. It is not only my goal but my passion to empower you in all areas of your life, to inspire and motivate you to shine and live your ideal radiantly healthy and happy life. No matter what your age it is never too late; I am living proof of that!
Age is no barrier to your dreams!